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All around us we observe an ocean of stories. All of us observe it but only a few of us interpret this observation. It is the duty of those who interpret to tell these stories to others. My blog, in a sense, is not meant to be a utopian world but it is the real world around us in the form real life fictitious stories (i m a big fan of Salman Rushdie, so you will read many such phrases with contradictory words).
Everybody is welcome to share their thoughts and give their feedbacks on my stories.
Certainly, You are most Welcome.

Monday 13 December 2010

Scam, me and my doubts – A conversation




Once upon a time… time slowed down. 15 minutes passed liked 3 hours. Obviously it’s not possible in the real world. Last night I was so tired that as soon as I fell on my bed, I started dreaming immediately. Meaningless office work, meetings, tiring work out in Gym, studies, friends and reading so many scams in newspaper daily – sucks out the entire calories and proteins and energy out of my body. Reading about scams daily has become a hell lot of task. I wish I was Ravaan with 10 heads to remember about all the scams and discuss them at the same time! It is been raining scams these days. It is winter, best season to be with your loved one, get warm inside and have warm drinks to sip outside. Somehow, raining scams have just ruined the daily pleasure of winter mornings.

Coming back to the point, I fell on my bed and I started to dream. In my dream, my differently wired (nerd) brain personified Scam as my friend and somehow we both are sitting on dock and talking. I remember certain parts of my dream and I am going to share it with you. Remember, my friend takes the form of the accused in the dream whenever we are talking about a certain scam.

(…on the docks in Bombay…in the dream)

Scam – I think this time I got lucky after the sale of 3G spectrum. Till now no scam came out on 3G sale.
Me – well, Raja, they all are busy with the 2G scam. They will come to 3G when 4G will be up for bidding.
Scam – Yeah, I guess so. CBI raided my house after I hid everything. I got like two weeks secret notice to move out everything. How nicely we make the public stupid!
Me – Even if you don’t, public doesn’t care much. Corruption should be there, as long as it benefits others also. But you and Kalmadi are more Naga (shameless) than Naga Babas of Kumbh mela!
Scam – (now Scam became Kalmadi) But CWG was a success. I made it happen. So what if the budget crossed Rs. 80000 crore Govt. figure. Even I am not sure how much more the actual scam was, but who cares! It was a huge success.
Me – it was a success because of the athletes. It could have been the same success if it was done within 20% of the cost! But what did you do with so much money? I am sure it’s not lying idle in your Swiss Bank account.
Scam – Of course not! Have you not seen Sensex rising and being steady at 19k these days? All my money, and every other politician’s money is coming through the havala route and is invested in Sensex as FII. Our country runs on two economies. Black economy is bigger than White economy now.
Me – Hmm.. that makes sense. So that’s the reason of free trade between India and Mauritius. These days even Land is Hot Property. Didn’t you invest in Land?
Scam – I have in… (I don’t remember what he said. It’s a dream so some parts are forgotten)
Me – So what if like Adarsh scam, your investments in flats and lands come out? But you have already resigned so it actually doesn’t matter. Maybe Chavan should have been more cautious.
Scam – (now Ashok Chavan) It’s politics my son. People think that removing me from the post CM is justice done. But actually it was done to stop the wagging tongues! Tell me has the real purpose of Adarsh Flat been served? My relatives still own the flats!
Me – Yes that’s true! I so wish I was in Politics. Atleast I would some good to the country along with being corrupt!! You are a bunch of useless corrupt officials. Nothing works without corruption. Corruption without the public benefit is stupidity. God knows how you assholes reach such high posts! But isn’t that the way of the world! It’s not the Ramayana or Mahabharata era where people will actually care for Dharma and Adharma.
Scam – Be grateful you are not into politics. Can you become shameless? Do you have that guts?
Me – I guess if one has to move higher very fast, either one has to be lucky or one has to be shameless!
Scam – (now Yana Gupta, in hot black dress) You are right! See sweetheart (I m seeing!  :p) I didn’t have any media attention, so I had to be shameless!
Me – Okay. But at least now you could have worn it! And how can you miss it? Forget about underwear, you should be wearing pants because your dress is too short!
Scam – Did anybody else question that? Everybody is talking about my boldness. You know, in this world, if you make people think what you want them to think, you will have it your way!
Me – that’s damn true! If I could do that, I would have a girlfriend by now. The problem is the ones I liked, they never liked me back, and those who liked me I couldn’t like them the same way! And when feelings matched, I was too rigid to get into one! I wanted to enjoy the freedom I had!
Scam – Love is so pure that it corrupts the mind, sweetheart! But you should love once and love with your 100%. It is the best feeling in the world.
Me – I know it is the best feeling. I will when I am sure I am ready for it. Is it always the best girl one waits for? How can there be so many best girls if every guy is waiting for one?
Scam – May be you are thinking too much! Every girl is best in her own way, like every guy is! Use your heart than your brains in the matters of love. Heart loves, brain lusts!
Me – So all these scams happen because of Lust! Now I got my answers. Whether its lust for women or for money or for fame or for power, lust is the cause for all Scams!! I am so intelligent!
Scam – Isn’t it weird that a little rearrangement with the letters, lust becomes slut! So every scammer is a slut.
Me – (furious) I hate that word. How many times I have told you never use it. Anyway, why bollywood is not coming up with good movies? Is there a scam cooking up in there as well?

My eyes opened. I was delirious. What happened? Oh, the cell was vibrating. Four messages received from a “friend”. I read the messages, thought about my third last question to Yana Gupta, shook my head, “love is so pure that it corrupts the brain”. No I can’t now, right now future is more important, career first, then everything else, but what if I lose the best one, and career can be achieved along with a soul mate, no but have i not sacrificed chances in past??? , I have sacrificed chances because I wanted to enjoy college life, being friends allows freedom, but seeing that ‘friend’ with other guys can be such a bad feeling, no, some Jhol (scam) has to be done, I have made people think as I have wanted them to, I have had it my way, I will have it my way, I will be patient but not dormant, but what if patience rusts the ‘feelings’, damn, its getting complicated, leave it bro, lets sleep! At least love should be scam free, rest at every place I have done jhols (scams). Lol! 

Set the person free, if he/she comes to you they were always yours, if he/doesn’t come to you, they were never yours!’ Who said this? I don’t know, but it’s too complicated to follow.

Amazing how brain solves your mysteries in dreams. Whether is mathematics or biology, every dream solves certain complications, that’s how the brain works. Hope you like my conversation with Scam. Waiting for your comments!
Love!!!

Ciao.

Thursday 23 September 2010

What’s Eating Up Our Country?






I always feel that the Asian nations especially India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka are the most hypocritical countries in the world. India being the highest population among all tops the list. In India sex education will not be allowed in the name of ‘Saving Culture’ but still we are the second highest population in the world, with highest HIV+ patients and one Indian city (Ahmedabad) topping the list of maximum sale of “rubbers”. We might never overtake China in GDP growth rate, but we will defeat them in Population Race! And trust me, when this happens most Indians will feel proud. Hypocrisy is very deeply rooted in most Indians. It has developed to the extent that it is has become difficult to remove from our behavior. This hypocrisy might seem a small personality trait initially but that has been the very reason for unrest in our country.

One of the biggest example is the Ayodhya Debate. VHP claims to believe ‘deeply’ in Indian Gods and will do anything to protect the temples and the Indian culture. They claimed that before Babri Masjid was built in 16th century, the Temple of Lord Ram was demolished which was erected in that very place. They condemned this act committed in 16th Century, they swore revenge, and they demolished Babri Masjid. This was the most horrible reason to destroy any Faith’s place of worship. And they claim they believe in Lord Ram and they follow his teachings? Doesn’t make sense to me! I have read Ramayana and this Epic Story (It is a story with Mythical characters) never taught me such a blasphemous thing! Moreover, it was Ram who gave away his throne to Bharat in order to save his Father’s word and left for Vanvaas for next 14 years. If Lord Ram can give such a big sacrifice (as they believe he was on earth in reality!!), why couldn’t the VHP goons make a temple immediately next to the masjid? Hypocrisy didn’t allow them to do that and that incident opened the Pandora’s box. That was followed by riots all over India, Bombay Blasts (Black Friday), Gujarat riots and all the blasts that have happened and will happen in future. This is happening because one of the main reasons is Hypocrisy. Now I just hope that the judgement on 24th September 2010 should be in favour of both the religions. A temple and a Masjid should be built next to each other on Ram Janmabhoomi (Lord Ram’s Birth Place).

Our government makes us believe that it is development oriented. It is in fact hell bent on Inclusive Development. Inclusive Development means that it will also include the one below poverty line. In reality, this very government only excluded the poors from mainstream development. The most important example of this is the Naxalite Movement. Most of us just think that Naxalites are like terrorists. But there is a long & dark history behind the Naxalite movement. It was this very hypocrite government that forcibly took away lands of poors in Naxalbari, killed, raped, tortured poors because they were not ready to give away their lands for Govt’s developmental projects. Naxalite movement was then started with this intention to redistribute the land to the landless but now it is controlled by other political parties clandestinely to derive unethical benefits.

Hypocrisy is considered to be too small to be the main source of above troubles. But in reality, it is the main source. If we think logically, most of time we will find our beliefs and actions not to be in sync. We might hate bribery but to get out of traffic police official’s clutches quickly, we do slip a 100 buck. We might get irritated every time the Electricity goes off but we will still use the A/C even if the weather is pleasant and there is actually no need for A/C. We might find other guys assholes when they look at our girlfriend or sister but when we look at other girls, we are just checking them out! We might hate India being shamed by Kalmadi & other politicians in messing up CWG preparations but hardly anybody wants to think long term and at least give a try to get into Politics. Hypocrisy starts at this trivial level, if you don’t stop it then it grows into your personal life, then professional life, then into your children’s lives and keeps spreading. Hypocrisy gives rise to ego because one starts defending one’s beliefs and actions as soon as they are pointed out on the wrong note. Ego, if not curbed at the right time, burns everything. This ego burnt the Troy; this ego will shame India and this ego will curb the development of India.

In future, India will have the chance to become super power. Let’s not wait till the end and start preparing from now. We should stick to our ethics (not to go the US way, be unethical and suffer from self tailored recession) and never let hypocrisy eat up our Country. I guess most of you are preparing for MBA entrances and all the best to you. Study well and get into Brand B-Schools and earn 7-8 figures salary. Be Environmental Friendly and buy nice Racecars. Wait, did I just become a Hypocrite?

Ciao   :-p

Friday 6 August 2010

Cops Party with College Students - A Lesson for All





This is one is dedicated to SIMS (Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies) students who had a memorable Freshers Party on Friendships Day which will always remain Fresh in their minds because they got royally Fucked! Too many "F" words, eh... This blog is going to be focussed more on Human Behaviour or should i say Inhumane Indian Behaviour??? There are three 'parties' we need to discuss on in this topic - Students (who made it possible), College (who made it interesting by becoming traitors) and Police (who enjoyed all the moments of the raid). 

FACTS FIRST

As a ritual SIMS students organised the Freshers Party for Fresh students who joined this academic year. The party was organised in a private farm house in Theur, 50 Kms from Pune. The party was organised from evening till late night and there was free flowing of alcohol in the party. Around 489 students attend it and as per SIMS management, 350 students belonged to their college and they have no idea where the rest came from. Still, all these students reached the venue by around 10 buses and partied hard with loud music without actually any alcohol and loud music permission. On this side of Pune, the police personnels were watching ‘Once upon a Time in Mumbai’, a newly released movie on contraband substances in E-Square. They were asked to leave the movie in between as they got a tip off about a loud party in Theur's Private Farm house. Pissed off police raided the party and found alcohol along with other 'stuffs' (not confirmed what stuff is that), detained all the students, politically influenced students were left unharmed and others were made to go through hell until they were released the next day. SIMS management gave statements like alcohol was not permitted by college; students took only 'Late out' permission and not 'Night Out' permission; students break the rule to return back at 12.30 am. 

These are the facts of the case, it is time to dig in deep into it.

REALITY BITES 

In this case, all the three parties are at fault. You can take the police not to be completely at fault because if you take the case in terms of reality, police didn't do anything wrong except for abusing students a bit too much. The abusing part too is a part of Police's job but in this case they crossed the limits and hence are at fault but not as much as the other two parties.

The main culprits are the students themselves. All of them from within know that they have done something wrong; whether it's drinking alcohol or just being rude with the police or doing nothing but attending a party where alcohol is supposed to be permitted!! Hello.. wake up Sid... there cannot be a private farm house party where police will allow alcohol for 500 students! For such a party to take place, there should have been a lounge or a hotel which already has a permit. Alcohol is allowed in private houses and even that has a limit of 15-20 people only. If there are more people than that, one needs a formal permission.

Secondly, one cannot party on loud music after 10.30 pm. Even if an individual is partying with loud music after 10.30pm, that person can be stopped by police as 10.30pm is the curfew time. Also breaking the 12.30am hostel in-time rule makes no sense at all.

Finally, the organising committee of this party needs to be rusticated from college. One thing is for sure that such people give out a message that they care nothing for the rules and regulations of the society in general. They also don’t care about the general public which are being affected by their reckless behaviour. Their behaviour is spreading wrong messages to students who will join such colleges in future. They also supposedly lied to students about the Liquor Permission they obtained. They didn't take pains to get even loud speaker permission. This means that they were sure that their requests will be rejected and hence they misled all other students. If such students after doing MBA join companies, we know whats in store for those companies! It is also heard that when police came, they spoke rudely to them. One thing has been observed in today's times is that people talk too rudely with Police personnels as if they themselves are bloody big shots. This was the reason why police tortured them so as to teach spoilt brats some lesson for the rest of their life!

Now my doubts are on the Symbi management too. Somehow i feel that it is not at all a wise decision in the first place to allow students to go till Theur which is 50 kms from the college. My obvious doubts are -  is college so naive that they trust their Hormonally charged up students so much that they allow them to go till such a far place and that too in a farm house? Don't they know what ALL can happen in a farm house? This party could have easily turned out to be a rave party and good students would have got fixed for no reason! I believe there are many ‘cool’ places to organize such parties within the city. Also, the management has very tactfully removed its name from the scandal. I believe the college is to be asked few questions by the media as to how they can have ‘no say’ in parties organised by the students; so many buses provided to them (students claim that it was arranged by the college) and having no vigilance at the party proceedings. Such a behaviour of college gives out a message that the institution "teaching management" itself doesn't know what is 'Management' is all about!

Finally, the police have been just too harsh on students. Agreed some needed beatings and raw deal, but not everyone should be treated like that! They stretched it a bit too much. They abused girls and boys and tortured them the entire night. The same thing can be done peacefully with the cooperative students. Those showing attitude should be ‘shoved with stick in their arse'. Police has always been like that. It is rude to nice people also many times. This attitude needs to be changed as their behaviour gives out a rather scary message of "Who will gaurd the gaurds??"

This my personal take on the entire issue. The 'young alcoholic bloods' should keep their nerves calm, their voices down when wrong and their pants up and tight to do the right things and not do the wrong things. They should understand that even a right thing done at a wrong time is a wrong thing.
The Management of any institute should practise what they preach. Do not abandon your students, show a bit of cooperation and solve such situations calmly.
The police should work more rather than piss people off more and speak more rather than abuse more. It is time for them to change their attitude for the educated public who won't take shit from anybody. Although media is hyping their rude behaviour a bit too much (I believe it is necessary to kickass spoilt brats) but police should control their own rough behaviour.

Let me know what you guys think. 

I shall be happy to see your comments. Take care and be safe.

Ciao.

Wednesday 7 July 2010

Bharat Bandh – Height of Stupidity!!!


The day before yesterday's Bharat Bandh (Nation-wide strike) was the most stupid thing one has ever observed in the history of India! The opposition parties seem to be completely out of their minds and dangerously out of control now. There is a need to declare an emergency (one like in Indira Gandhi's time) and put these notorious and tainted politicians behind the bars. I am also upset that some people did support the strike because they thought that it would help their cause! Are they nuts? Such strikes will never decrease the prices... on the contrary it will increase the prices further! Do you know that one day strike has cost our nation an economic loss of Rs.10000 crores!! This is just the initial figure. The damage done to public property (another fucked up point of this strike) will increase this loss by two folds.

We all know that the petrol prices have been increased 9 times since the UPA government has taken over the reins of the Centre in their hands. This is combined with food inflation (it has made the pockets an extinct thing in a Man's trousers so creating a hole in pocket is an outdated thing), transport inflation, real estate inflation, etc. Now, the food inflation has partly risen by the rise in petrol and diesel prices but mostly because of the corruption of the notorious Agriculture Minister Sharad Pawar. This man has screwed up the food distribution, increased hoarding, fucked up the middle men's minds and eaten up the entire Rs.72000 crores of loan waiver scheme money. If the opposition had guts, they would have openly challenged him and proved him corrupt on public debate forums. But then, it would sound like a thief calling another a thief. Now Pawar is busy lobbying for ICC president (now you see where all the money he had eaten has been excreted?) so that he gets more money and power and has blatantly asked the centre to reduce his parliamentary work load!! Isn’t that his Primary job??? If this was not enough for the centre to get insulted, our dearest PM Manmohan Singh sent peace makers to Pawar's place to persuade him to take back his request!!! Is he nuts??? Why can’t he just strip Pawar off the current Role? It is because the NCP has a major share in Congress' majority in UPA! Politics!!

Now coming back to the topic, one has the right to oppose the price rise but one should not stop another's work forcefully. That is not ‘Democracy’ for God’s sake. What happened in this strike (and in all the previous ones as well) is that innocent people were stoned at when going to work (ironically for whom the strike was called for). The public property was blatantly stoned at and in many cases charred to ashes. The important point to note here is no matter how many buses or trains are harmed, ultimately the burden to pay these losses will come on common people's shoulders. The Politicians will still enjoy their Rs.20 Chicken thali, Rs.2 Rice Plate and Rs.10 Fruit juice (these are the actual prices they are charged) and free traveling in any part of the world. It doesn’t matter for them to which side they belong to (ruling or opposition).

The nation wide strike temporarily stalled many people’s lives. Many young students living on their own had to go without food (like they were on hunger strike) because all shops and restaurants remained closed as the owners were afraid of their shops being damaged. My friend, whose birthday was on that unfortunate day, didn’t eat anything until evening, forget cake cutting. My brother’s company bus was made to stop. Didn’t the diesel usage go as a complete waste? Won’t that increase its price? The logic behind these strikes is also fucked up. The party not in power wants to show off power at the cost of others. I am going to make some interesting revelations to make you understand the reasons of opposition behind these strikes.

First and the foremost is to take over the control of Centre in next elections. The current opposition groups on one hand are abetting the Naxalite attacks surreptitiously (remember, Naxalites are an arm of CPI (M)) and also shouting at the Govt. so as to make them look inefficient (which they are anyway). Such tactics by opposition increase the Defense Budget of the Ruling Government. Thus, the defense expenditure is huge. This way the opposition do not let the prices come down on essential commodities. Secondly, with the help of their contacts they ask the middlemen to increase hoardings of various eatables. This reduces the supply and demand-supply economics increases the prices of the commodities. Finally, they shout in public forums and in media cameras about poor people’s bad condition due to price rise and increase the panic among the ‘cattle mentality’ citizens of India (I stand by this as most people panic even when they don’t know the reason). As soon as the panic is observed, opposition calls for a nation/state wide strike without any fucking authority to do so and use force and men (bought on money and liquor) to implement illegal strikes. Such strikes further increase prices and common man is made to suffer. This is because no matter how much the prices increase, it will NEVER affect any politician as everything for them is for free!!

So guys please do not come under the influence of any political parties and try not to panic when the petrol prices rise. Criticize for the right things like the Food inflation which is baseless and Asset bubble which is dangerous. If the petrol prices are not increased then there would be a day when the Petroleum Companies will shut down and so would the country! Do not go on stupid analysis that says ‘actually the petrol costs Rs.26 or less’ because that is the blanket used by the opposition parties to cover their arse. Try to think calmly and logically. Strikes will not solve your problems. If it did, we professionals would always be out of office. J

Catch you soon. Do read my next blog which will be up very soon.

Ciao.

Saturday 24 April 2010

IPL - Indian Phunny League


I can’t make a grim situation grimmer; like I can’t make a dark night in Pune darker (read no electricity due to load shedding). With these thoughts firmly placed in my head, I decided to make this blog a phunny (actually sarcastic) blog. I couldn’t help but imagine the situations when the IT sleuths raided each and every IPL team owner’s house. I couldn’t help but make wild as well as logical guesses as to what all they can find in their houses because the documents related to deals are already missing! So let’s find out what happened when all the 8 teams were conquered by I-T dudes.





Chapter 1 – The Bengali Sweet Raid – KKR (Kolkata Knights Raided)





The self claimed bollywood badshah, Shah Rukh Taj Mohammad Khan, the owner of IPL Team Kolkata Knight Riders’ house got raided first. Apart from finding some unimportant documents related to the deals within the team, the tax officials were surprised to find the room filled with multiplex tickets of the movie My Name is Khan! The tickets didn’t only belong to the multiplexes in Mumbai and Kolkata, but were also found to be of multiplexes in cities all over India and many in abroad also! The I-T officials are now thinking that this is how the earnings of this unwatchable film was raised but they are not sure about this and are scratching their heads hard. They will do proper investigation on this now and took all those tickets in cartons which was video recorded by the media (which all of us saw in news).





Chapter 2 – The Most Exciting Raid – RCB (Royal Cheerleaders ‘Bang’-lore)





After KKR, I-T sleuths thought that they would get much more than just tickets in this raid in Vijay Mallya’s house. It is no surprise that they were right (IRS people are always right, and if you try to prove them wrong you are fined!!). They didn’t find any documents they were officially looking for; but they got all the ‘documents’ (photos and profiles) relating to the hiring of cheerleaders. After all, their team reached semi finals not only by on-field efforts of their players but also because of off-field motivation! So I-T sleuths finished their official investigation in 25 minutes and were busy investigating cheerleaders in depth for the next 9 hours! (The entire pun is intended)





Chapter 3 – Raiders In The Sands – RR (Rajasthan Raided)





I-T sleuths found all the bills in Shilpa Shetty – Raj Kundra’s house. All the bills related to Lip job, Tummy job, Nose job, etc jobs were found. That solved one of their doubts about how a 75 million Team is now a 225 million team. They also found a diary with many phone numbers of girls that they wondered why would Raj Kundra need these numbers! It was later found out that the diary belonged to Shane Warne. Finally I-T sleuths gave up because in this desert there was no crude oil to be found and they were looking forward for the next raid as the owner of the next target is single once again!











Chapter 4 – Preity Ness-essary Raid – KXI P (Kings Pawned 10 times!)





The single bubbly PZ kept the I-T sleuths as busy as Dalai Lama was in Dharamshala’s cricket stadium. The I-T sleuths soon felt the need for some money in their hands and started their search. They found so many hate mails in the house that they couldn’t read all of them. So they took all with them. On further investigation, it was found that the hate mails belonged to Ness, Preity and Yuvi. We can understand about Ness and Preity but Yuvi??? Why? Oh… he was stripped of captaincy, that’s why. They also found two VIP bags full of tissue papers used by Srisanth when he was slapped by Bhajji. But I-T dudes got confused because Srisanth was slapped on face and he didn’t play because of leg injury whereas he danced in all the dance competitions. But as this was not the part of their job and also Srisanth was not a female, they didn’t ‘probe’ further.





Chapter 5 – Devil’s Taxmen – DD (Delhi Deceivers)           





This is one of the raids to which I-T sleuths were not at all looking forward to. There are no film stars or high profile cheats involved. Only a little bit of politics between Viru and Delhi Cricket Board. So all they could lay their hands on was a letter telling the DD owner to remove Viru as the captain of the team and some medical reports confirming that Viru was fit and his wrist was super fit because of no great show put up by him in IPL 2010 matches. Hence, they were not surprised that Viru won’t be playing in the T20 WC because of ‘alleged’ wrist injury!





Chapter 6 – Tax on Biryani – DC (Deccan Charged!)





I-T sleuths didn’t take any ‘pangas’ with the owner of DC because he looks like a devil! All they could find was lot of controversial articles on Symonds and banners written ‘monkey’ on it which were hidden deep inside the cupboards. I-T sleuths realized that these were used by owners only when Australia was playing against India in Hyderabad and this was before DC was formed. They have confiscated the banners and will use them at the right time to get the right ‘things’. You got it!! Money.. what else!!





Chapter 7 – You Rascalas!! – CSK (Chennai Super Kadkaas)





Kadkaa means one with no money. So CSK is the one which came out clean because it had no money to pay fines for missing documents. All money was spent on Dhoni’s Max Mobiles bills because everytime he went to red light area (Poor guy had a slip of tongue and said this instead of Red Light Signal) and people spoke to him in tamil, someone stole his Max mobile. So CSK was a flop show for I-T dudes.





Chapter 8 – Chor ke Ghar mein Chori – MI (Mumbai for Indians)





Finally, it is Mukesh Ambani’s house. Mukesh bhai had a hard time explaining how Tina Ambani lost more than 100% of her body weight just a month before IPL 2010 began; how such a huge money was paid for Pollard who is playing his first IPL; why Tina is featuring more with Vijay Mallya in strange poses; why is Bhajji lifting her up all the time; is he practicing to lift the IPL 2010 trophy; has the match been fixed; how many marathis in Mumbai Indians team; why no objection from Thackreys for almost no marathi players; etc. As soon as he was questioned on the documents, the I-T officials got green gravy on their hands and they left with a huge smile.








So we can see that IPL2010 fireworks by players are as exciting as the fireworks started by Lalit Modi and Shashi Tharoor (for the bomb, Sunanda Pushkar) and in this dog fight, the pigs got all the ‘benefit’. Hope to see more comments!!





Ciao.

Sunday 4 April 2010

Malik-aye(sha) Sania



The first thing which strikes my mind whenever I read about Sania-Shoiab-Ayesha types of controversies is whenever there is a Pakistani in any picture, there has to be a controversy. They cannot live a simple plain life and have to screw their own life along with screwing other peoples’ lives in the process. Another thing which makes me think a lot on this issue is how on earth a girl like Sania Mirza even consider marrying a guy who is already in a deep shit like his controversial telephonic ‘Nikaah’ and his one year ban on cricket for various reasons? Also, even his team mates are not supportive and his ex-English cricket club is highly critical of him. No wonder women have strange choices when it comes to settling down in life!

When I heard the news that Sania Mirza is single again in January this year, I was so happy and was already considering that she would soon come down to Pune, to the Wanowrie area and meet the Right Guy! Unfortunately for her, she went to Dubai first, met the wrong guy and has not met Me yet!! Okay, let me hold my topic in abeyance for the moment and try to find out why she is ruining her life. So, Mr. Shoaib Malik is not what he looks like but is exactly like the country which he belongs to, Controversial! I don’t believe his story. And let’s assume if I do believe his story then he is a pervert. Who would marry a girl just by seeing the photo only? Will any guy do that? Then the matrimonial websites will charge people only to have a look at the photo and phone number! Marriages would be such an inexpensive affair! Imagine how many people will be unemployed then! Coming back to the point, according to Shoaib, Ayesha called him up and said she is his fan from India. So he got talking to her (oh, Indian gal & my fan.. Dhan chik Dhan chik). How many phone calls Dhoni or Yuvraj might be getting like that every day (not mentioning the Actors)! Okay, Shoaib must have loved the voice and it might be love at the first call! So he asks for a pic and Ping!! Comes the sexy sexy girl pic on his laptop. Now he is all man (in a pervert sense) and takes the pic to his parents and tells them I want to marry this chick. His parents are like.. Wow!! We never thought such a chick would hit on you because no sensible Pakistani chick never even comes in the 10 meter diameter ring surrounding you. Go ahead son, marry the Indian muslim chick. Spread cross country Love. So he calls her and they marry over the telephone in 2002. I do. I do. They have not mentioned about their honeymoon though. Was that on phone too? Anyway, so Shoaib in this strange marriage feels the need of physical love now. He comes down to India, to his telephonic wife’s city and tries to meet her but she runs away because she is fat or so as he claims! But, now he tries to act nice in his story and says that he wanted to help her and be her husbandly support! That means he does not mind if she is fat. Then why not tell that to the media that no matter she is fat, I love her. But he won’t, you know why? It is because Sania Mirza is not fat. She is a chick now! Men will always be men! So now he tells that the pic shown to him is different from the girl who is claiming to be married to him. People can come with all kinds of excuses, huh! Anyway, I don’t believe that this is the right story. They have to have a face to face marriage if there is Marriage Certificate in place and if there are alleged witnesses to the marriage like Inzamam ul haq and M. Azaruddin. God knows if this be proved or will He leave it to the money to do the job?

Coming to the Ayesha Siddiqui, she is as controversial as Shoaib. Most importantly, she is not coming out clean. How can even a stranger girl get through Shoaib Malik’s phone number and go on to marry him? If she sent him a pic of hers, she should show which pic was sent. If she wanted to marry Shoaib Malik, why not do it the grand way when she was allegedly slim and chick? The questions she is facing are not easy ones to answer. What her parents were thinking when they knew she was doing a telephonic marriage? Don’t they want her to get married in a grand way that too in the year 2002 when Shoaib was not that bad a name in Pakistan Cricket team? So much confusion here, what can I say more!

What is Sania doing in this mess? Why is she supporting Shoaib? Can’t she get nice guys in India or abroad (other than Pakistan)? Why this controversial guy only? As I said, why didn’t she come down to Pune? I am not controversial at all, am i? What also shocks me is why this marriage thing is happening so fast? Do they have to catch Rawalpindi express? Everything seems to be set up so fast. They meet in Dubai once and they fix marriage! She is just 23 and a scorpion too! (I am also a scorpionJ) She can wait, she can get good-better-best guys or to top them all, ME. Why this hurry? Is there a reason that only these two families know? Quite possible. Anyway, it’s her life. If she wants to marry the controversial guy then so be it. What can we guys do but look out for something else.. Guys will be guys!

Anyway, finally the conclusion is that it is a lot of mess and nobody is sure of anybody’s background. Be it controversies surrounding Ayesha and Shoaib or the reasons of Sania to get married to him. One day after she reads this blogs she would then realize the opportunity missed by her by not coming to Pune ;). The main conclusion however is that me and my friends are not and have never been in such messy relationships. It is indeed a pain in ass if you are in a relationship before it is your time to be in one. Happy to be luckily single (as my gmail status also claims) and hope we never get into controversies. Stay away from telephonic and internet marriages and from your obsessive fans (if you have any). Don’t indulge in immoral things for a momentary pleasure because it will forever screw up your personal life. Enjoy summers “safely” and chill in swimming pools.

Just one observation; there is a rule in India for women that if the husband does not contact his wife for more than 2 years, the marriage is assumed to be called off. There is no need of an official divorce. Don’t know which country’s law these people would follow but I hope Shoaib’s lawyer knows this rule. Anyway, Take care guys.

Ciao.

Sunday 21 March 2010

The Class of Educated But Superstitious

I am really amazed to see this new class coming up in our society. Not only it has large number of members but its population is growing faster than the combined speed of China’s GDP and India’s corruption rate! Not only the members of this class are highly educated but many are highly talented also. And it seems that this has gone into their brains so much that their logical switch goes off many times!



Now what is happening is the cycle of eradication of superstition, for which our ancestors gave their lives for, is coming back full circle to plague the society but with a twist in the tale. Earlier it used to be rampant among the poor and illiterate. Our ancestors worked very hard to remove superstitious beliefs from the minds of poor and illiterates but in doing so they forgot the rich class. Now poor were illiterates and they never got rid of superstitious beliefs. But rich were so educated that they were unhappy and they started believing in superstitious beliefs because they thought that the poors though being poor are happy because of their beliefs. The educated class, by their educated unhappy ancestors, were told that fairy tales about a poor man’s life; life full of struggle but life of a happy man who can sleep soundly. So those fairy tales were taken seriously by rich and this class of educated but superstitious came to the existence. That is the reason nowadays you see many film industry personalities change their names according to numerology. Now seriously, tell me how funny is that!! If they have scarcity of luck, why not keep working instead of wasting time and energy in adding an extra ‘K’ or ‘S’!! A simple example:- If numerology seriously works by adding those extra letters, why not add 2-3 ‘P’s in front of petrol!! Even petrol is in short supply, if we change ‘petrol’ to ‘pppetrol’, we will have a 300% hike in petrol production!! Wouldn’t most of us will take a sigh of relief??



Another incident that made me laugh for days.. I never used to believe in the black cat theory. I neither had color bias for humans nor for animals. Really speaking, I love animals. So once when I was walking with some friends and this nice cute but black cat crossed our way, all the friends stopped, let out a huge cry on poor cat and took a U turn! These friends of mine are post graduates from good colleges. They are working in MNCs and still they think that if a black cat crosses their path they shouldn’t go further as that would bring bad luck!! For a moment I thought these guys were only having fun and trying to take my case. But when they convinced me that they really believed that shitty thing, I couldn’t stop laughing!! I cannot help but wonder that who has been a bad luck in this case! Is it the humans who are over populating themselves or the animals who are reducing in numbers so that the greedy humans can get more space to fit in their asses? I still remember my friends in school writing their God’s name when writing exam papers – “it brings good luck stupid, don’t you know?” – they said. Yes, if that is so, write god’s name everywhere. Thanks to Gujarat Education board, they made it compulsory for students not to write God’s name. The reason was, the kids had stopped studying and started believing that their God’s name is going to save their butts.



Once I was chatting with a used to be friend of mine and we were discussing the Ramayana. All this time, I was under the impression that people took Ramayana and Mahabharata as epic novels and not real incidents. All of a sudden, this girl tells that it all happened for real. The magical and powerpuffed arrows did crash once upon a time, the Ravana did abduct Sita in his private jet, there was great great grand father of Super man known as Hanuman and animals did talk to Humans. Similarly, blind Kaurava King had 100 non blind sons from one self blinded queen (I sweat when I think of this), Pandava king died while making love for his fifth son, Bhima with 100 elephants like diet and power, Arjun with inbuilt sniper precision, Krishna (the famous hindu flirty God) with cloth factory inside him to provide 100thousand reels of saree to Draupadi, etc. Believe me or not, she said – ‘yes, it all happened. What the F do you know?’ Yeah, true, I don’t know any F but I know for sure that you need a psychiatrist. If this all happened then, why it cant happen today? That ensues a fight between good friends too. And it is no harm to believe like this but it is funny when you have intelligent discussions. But many times, the victim takes it personally and forever change their attitude which is harmful to all.



Superstitious beliefs are always sound funny to others who don’t practice them and harmful to the person who believes such things. Then whether it is about believing the black cat theory; writing God’s name on the answer paper; adding extra letters to one’s name; wearing a numbered t-shirt and different stones,etc; doing excessive pujas and havans; animal sacrifices; vaastu shastra in homes and even office cubicles these days; and many many more. I wanted to make this post a light hearted one so I didn’t point out the grosse outcomes of superstitious beliefs. But my friends, don’t become a part of this class. When it becomes addictive, it is no less than a drug and will have similar effects on your minds. So take care and live life practically. Just try and understand that MacD never considered Vaastu shastra before opening up joints and Bill Gates never got extra letters in his name to become the richest man. Thanks for reading this blog.


Love you all!!
Ciao

Sunday 24 January 2010

A Joke on Symbiosis ArtComm by TOI




The above was reported on 18th January 2010 (first prank by TOI in 2010, i guess) by TOI really shocked me. Also, it put me into two states of mind. One, i felt like laughing hysterically; second, i was very pissed off at TOI. The reason, as you know, is that TOI reported the Symbi ArtComm places 610 students ANNUALLY!!!! WTF???

First of all, Mr. Reporter from TOI, do not talk shit about my college. Secondly, do not tell tall stories about my college. And finally, get your facts right before reporting on any topic in future. Are you asking HOW is the above report incorrect? As a matter of fact, let me tell you that Symbi ArtComm has not even placed half of 610 students in 25 years of its existence (i was placement cell co ordinator last year). You see dear, my ex-college is very dedicated to education. Let me tell you certain facts about its dedication towards education.

The management is reluctant to waste any time in placement interviews as it eats up the 'valuable' time of students in college. They make sure that the time they save like this is used by the students to its full extent. In such 'saved time', the guys sit on 'katta' or 'open air classes' and learn important math and economics 'figures' from gals. The gals learn very important PR skills by flirting with hyper-despo guys. The guys learn Banking by taking loans from friends to pay PG rents and food bills and in return teach their 'money lenders' how to recover money and avoid bad debts. The gals learn Marketing by dressing themselves in the most adorable way and creating their brand value. The guys learn basics of Stock markets by investing their pocket money in bets on 'Maals (sexy gals)' and 'Petty Packs (untouched gals)' and daily going through the ups and downs of the values of these Maals and PPs. The gals learn the important lessons of Capitalizing Investments by choosing and fooling the rich guys (especially those who place bets on gals) with bikes and cars and save their money as they use their BF's bike/car as free mode of transport and do not even give a penny of return on the guys' investment.

Obviously, there are students who are not in the above category all the time. There are students who are seen once in six months only during practical submissions (which is practically only theory) and in exams. Then, there are students like the famous chatur, who close the classrooms and mug up accounting entries and economic theories and dont waste time in placements because there is no book which could help them to know what questions will be asked by the interviewers. But then, of all these characters, there are characters like me who consider college as a bridge to corporate world. And such students really care for the placements. But these are very few. So in Symbi Comm., there are around 720 students. 50% out of these are enrolled in professional courses like CA/CS/CWA. Out of the remaining 360, 100 have already planned to bribe the money making MBA colleges and colleges abroad.  So out of the remaining 260, 200 students apply for placements and 100 appear for placements and take WT and 50 re appear for interviews and only at the most 10-15 get selected.

So on an average, say 15 students get placed in my ex-college annually. Around the year 2000, Companies in India realised that BCom students are cheaper than Engg students and also smarter than them. And more stylish. So they started recruiting BCom students on a small scale. So now can you calculate how many students in Symbi ArtComm must have been placed in 10 yrs? Even if you square 15 and add 15*10, it marginally crosses the 60% figure of your stupid report of placing 610 students annually.

So in short, dear reporter, how in my very educationally dedicated college, where placements is a waste of time, where the lectures mostly dont happen because it is a belief to have empty classes for students to study, where students have to study and understand all by themselves because only outdated notes are dictated in most classes as they believe in teaching students to learn from outdated books by themselves, how do you expect more than even 20 placements in a year??? You know why should one choose my ex college apart from above reasons? It is because there are students in this college from different parts of India and world. You learn so much from them and these will remain your no-loss-making-assets lifetime. Also, there are few professors who are actually like Aamir Khan of Taare Zameen Par. They teach you in a very unique way that you never forget what they teach you. Although very few nerds like me used to attend such lectures, we always kept asking for more. They were the only motivation for us to attend college. This is also true for those professors who dont take your lectures but they guide you in extra curricular activities. These activities help to shape your personality. Education is a very dynamic and situation based field. It upgrades itself at a very fast pace and it is difficult for professors and students to keep themselves upgraded by themselves. Hence, you need such friends and prof-friends to be an asset yourself.

This is one is dedicated to my friends in Symbi. Thanks for choosing this college and thanks to your parents for allowing you to come so far from your hometowns to this town. This is also dedicated to my best Symbi Prof-friends - Ali Akbar sir, Kale sir, Limaye sir, Kulkarni sir, Marcelle Mam, Sheena Mam, Tamhankar Mam and others if i have unintensionally missed any one.

At the end, i just want to say that Newspapers are todays biggest role models and they inspire a lot of minds. Please state the facts and right things and refrain from misguiding people. Also, guys keep your eyes open and dont instantly believe whatever is written in newspapers. Ask yourself a couple of questions and make educated decisions and not 'well-trained' decisions.

Ciao.